So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
