then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
