the condom got lost in my hair
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
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