I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
