Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
