i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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