I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
