Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
