Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize