so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
