I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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