my phone needs a breathalizer
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You need a sexual gate keeper
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
