That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
