No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize