I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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