So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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