He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
