I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
