I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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