i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize