K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
