I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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