Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
