I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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