if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
