I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
