my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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