I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
