Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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