Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
