I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
