i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
