im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
