I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
