all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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