So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
