She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
