Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
