so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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