He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dicks are not precious.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize