What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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