The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Randomize
