He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
