I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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