I just saw a hot homeless man
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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