He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
