Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
