her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
