im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
