Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
