You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
