ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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