if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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