I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
this is an emotional support booty call
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
