This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
