Can i not drive my cunt home
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
