Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize