Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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