who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
