For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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