what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
