so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
