I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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