Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
