have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
false alarm. still invincible.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
