i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
