____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
