I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
